Falling
by jlthdprgy
Summary: Short story I wrote. Taking place between the Prophecy and The End. In order to prevent Trigon's arrival and the Earth's imminent doom, Raven ponders suicide as she is the way he gets there. Time after time, however, her efforts to do herself in are thwarted by the very thing she has struggled to control her whole life.


Falling

**Takes place after Prophecy, before The End**

Beast Boy sat on the ground against the wall of the garage, quietly watching Cyborg clean the same window of the T-car that he had been waxing for the past ten minutes.

"I think it's good, dude," said the young shapeshifter, sounding exhausted.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Cyborg sighed. "Guess I got a little lost in my thoughts. It's not easy having the end of the world on your mind all the time."

"You said it. You didn't even care when you saw me in here alone with your car."

"Yeah, that is…weird, man," Cyborg said, walking over to join his friend on the ground. "I've never felt this way."

"What? Scared?"

"No. I've felt scared before. And yes, I am scared, but this is something beyond fear. This is, like, hopelessness. Every enemy or situation we have found ourselves in, even the most life-threatening, odds stacked against us deals, dude, we've always found a way to get through. And we always _knew_ we'd get through it. Now I don't even know what to think."

"Yeah, this isn't just some Gizmo or Control Freak plot or sludge monster. This is a demon. No, the King of Demons! The ruler of evil!"

"Not helping, man. I know that. So does Raven. She's known her whole life. And when she says there is nothing we can do to stop it, although I don't want to believe it, how can I argue with that? This whole thing is a part of who she is. She knows better than any of us."

"Every day, she woke up knowing that one day, she'd end us. How does anyone deal with that?"

"After she told us, I thought about all the times you or I had some real problems. Your deal with Terra, or my own insecurities about myself. Raven seemed so distant about it, but you know, I think it might have been because she understood our pain more than anyone else. She probably even felt it, too. I mean, who would better than her? She has the worst of it. The little advice she did give us, it was always simple, but exactly what needed to be said. She knew, man."

"What do they call her? An empath?"

"Makes sense. If your issues absorb everyone else's, you can empathize with anything. I wish there was a way we could help her."

"Another party?" Beast Boy asked with a flimsy smile. Cyborg didn't even answer. Beast Boy looked back down at his boots. "There's got to be something. If we don't do anything, we're all toast. And Raven, too. Her own father is going to kill her just to come here. That's no way to treat a daughter. What kind of father is that?"

"A very unusual one. And who knows when it will happen. Could be next month or tomorrow. Could be right now."

"Raven's nothing more than his gem. His puppet. Just so he can grab another world." Beast Boy got to his feet. "I don't want to let that happen."

"Look, I'm tired. Why don't we think of ideas, then get back to each other next week?"

Beast Boy sighed and forced his thumb up as if against a much heavier gravity.

* * *

A week had passed. Cyborg stood before Beast Boy's door, listening to the repeating Game Over music from a video game while he waited for his friend to open and let him in. The carpet was completely veiled under the blanket of dirty socks, uniforms, posters, and other junk. Cyborg kicked them aside and took a seat on Beast Boy's bed, while the shapshifter plopped down into the pile of laundry.

"How's the game going?" Cyborg asked.

Beast Boy shrugged. "I started playing but couldn't for more than, like, two minutes. I just let my player die but didn't feel like turning it off and hearing nothing." He tossed a shoe at the console. The screen went black. "But now that you're here…"

"You look down, dude."

Beast Boy leaned over so he faced away from Cyborg and groaned. "You come up with anything?"

"No. What about you?"

"Maybe."

Cyborg raised his eyebrow. "Maybe?

"I don't want to talk about it, though."

"Come on. Tell me. It's better than nothing."

"No, I don't think it is."

Cyborg thought for a moment then got to his feet. "You aren't thinking what I think you are thinking, are you?"

Beast Boy rolled up an old sock into a ball, unraveled it, rolled it up again. "It's the only idea that I've had."

"Well you better stop having it!"

"What? You think I like thinking about it?" Beast Boy asked, turning to Cyborg, gritting his canine teeth. "You think I want that to happen? Whether we like it or not, though, I'm just saying, it _is_ a solution."

"We aren't even considering killing our friend."

"I know it's crossed your mind, too!"

"Beast Boy—"

"Look, I'm sorry!" he threw his hands up in the air. "I hate the idea just as much as you do. But it's stopping me from thinking of anything else. Raven's my best friend, too, and I'd never even think about hurting her. But if the demon of all demons can only get here through her, isn't the only option then to, you know, close off that road somehow?"

Cyborg continued to stare angrily at his friend. "I can't believe I am hearing this. We are not doing it. And furthermore, Raven isn't stupid. I'm sure it has crossed her mind, too. It's her problem."

"Ugh, but it's not! That is what makes it different. The whole world is at stake. You can't deny that it's one life in exchange for a billion! Gah!" Beast Boy shrieked upon hearing the sound of a thump from the hallway. The two peaked out the door. The hall was completely empty except for a small book near the corner a few feet away. Cyborg picked it up and examined the cover. "It's hers."

"Raven's?"

Cyborg nodded.

"Y-you think she heard me?"

"Maybe _you_ should go and find out. Maybe you could also find out why she isn't out trying to kill herself," Cyborg said, hitting Beast Boy with his shoulder as he passed him to leave.

* * *

The moonlight shined through the window, reflecting off the metallic blade and into Raven's face. The eyes of her reflection were still wet with tears. She wiped them away and took a deep breath.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zyn…" Raven was cut off by need for air. She began to gasp for it as if drowning. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead and she could feel his red, hot stare, the eyes forming on the wall behind her. Her throat closed up as she tried to swallow. Raven coughed. The room became hotter, the metal of the blade turning a bright orange, burning her fingers wrapped around the handle. She dropped it to the floor. The heat was dissipated by the sound of a knock at her door.

"Raven?" came the hesitant, cracking voice of her shapeshifting friend. "Can I come in?"

The door's colors inverted, a dark energy field engulfing it and pulling it open to allow the young, green Titan inside. "Wow," he said. "That didn't take very long, heh."

Raven sat on the edge of her bed, staring out the window as if she did not even notice him walk in.

"Everything okay, Raven?" he pressed on. Before he could see it, Raven kicked the knife underneath her bed and turned to look at him.

"What do you want?" she asked with her signature rolling voice.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing."

Raven pulled a strand of her amethyst hair behind her ear and returned her gaze to the window at the full moon over the water, the skyline directly underneath it. "It looks peaceful, doesn't it?" She asked.

"Sure does." A short silence. "Well, just wanted to check in. I guess if you are alright—" he turned to walk out.

"I've tried before, you know," she stated blandly. "Killing myself."

Beast Boy froze mid-step, unable to take his eyes off of the front left leg of the girl's desk for fear they would meet hers and he would see something horrifying.

"In fact, I don't ever stop thinking about it."

_Standing here, on the roof of this massive T, my toes over the edge, the sun setting behind the sea before me. Nobody knows I am up here, swaying back and forth, hoping I will lose my footing and fall forward and down onto the rocks below. The wind blows through my hair and face and it feels nice. I've always wanted to die in a real brutal, real nasty way like that. Where my guts will spill out everywhere. It's dark. I'm dark. Its suits me to go like this. Just let me fall._

_Laying here, in a tub filled with water up to the rim, my mouth just barely above this very different type of sea. I told them I was going to take a bath, but here I am relaxing the muscles of my arms holding my head above the water that massages and caresses every square inch of my body and it feels nice. Drowning. It seems like a poetic way to die. Just let my arms go. Just let me fall under._

_Sitting here, on the floor of my room, staring up at the blade that I hover in the air, leaning my head back to expose my neck which is directly underneath the pointy tip. I told them I needed to be alone. And I do. For if I am alone. If I am removed from everything, then there is nothing for me to hurt. I just need to let go of my grasp on this knife to get there. Just let it fall onto me._

_Death. My only sanctuary now. He put all of his faith in me to bring him here, and I can sabotage his whole mission if I just end it now. But I think to myself: surely, he had to have thought of that? And surely, he has to know now what I am doing. He is omniscient. And he makes that very clear. Every dark hallway has two pairs of eyes on the wall at the end. Watching me. Reminding me that he is in control. Reminding me that even though I can convince myself that death is a way out, somehow, it will not work. _

_But nevertheless. I jump from the rooftop. I sink into the water. I let the knife drop onto my neck._

_But to this day, I still walk. Alive as ever. And he still smirks at me from the ceiling of my bedroom while I sleep._

_Get out of here. What are you doing to me? How can you keep me from doing this?_

_"I am not stopping you from anything. This is you, and only you. You do not wish to die. You want to bring me to this world."_

_I know that I need to die. Every inch of me knows it, except for one: my emotions. The fuel that activates and controls my powers. And the very reason I am still alive. _

_Emotions, specifically, love. Something that I never really knew until I came to Earth all those years ago and met four incredible friends. Friends who have stuck by me when I never asked them to, even after I told them of my dark destiny. They refused to let go of me. And my emotions refused to let go of them. My emotions, cling to them, cling to this world. While I know that I need to die in order for this world to survive, my emotions, my heart, will not let me do it, taking over my powers to prevent it._

_Just let me fall, I tell them. But I open my eyes, and I am levitating, my face just inches away from the rocks at the base of the tower. The rocks I intended to kill me. _

_I open my eyes, and my telepathy parts the water, forcing it away from my face so I can breathe. Rescuing me from my own death._

_I open my eyes, and the knife has stopped right before reaching my neck. I snatch it and drive it into my wrists. But at the last second, my strength leaves me, and I can no longer hold the weapon. It drops to the floor. And I just sit there, alive, and cry._

_I have tried to kill myself. Almost every day I step off that roof. Almost every battle, I allow the enemy to get a good shot at me. And during every sleep, I hold my breath. But I never hit the ground. I move out of the way of an attack at the last moment. And I breathe just before I pass out._

_I know I must die to prevent this, but I am too attached to this world and the things in it, that my body has an unwavering will to survive, and an immense fear of death._

_In the end, it is only this. I cannot do it to myself, for I am just too afraid to die. _

"I'm sorry," she said. "I never felt I could do it to myself. There was always so much here, so many friends that would never give up on me, and that just made it so hard. But when I heard what you said to Cyborg, for a second, I actually thought, at that moment, that I _could_ do it to myself, because I wouldn't have anyone here who would want me to stay."

Beast Boy rushed to her side and gave hugged her. "It's not going to happen, Raven. You aren't going to die. We will all make sure of it. We won't leave you. I promise"

Raven did not cry. She said nothing. Soon, everything around her turned into a fog and diffused into the darkness. Before her, four bright, angry eyes stared at her.

"There is nothing you can do. You will die, and your world will be doomed. It is hopeless."

_Perhaps. Perhaps that is it. But there is something about all of this. My emotions. My powers. They bind me to this world. Not even my own will can cut those strings. Then, I ask myself, can his? If his arrival means my death, will my emotions be able to hold on? Will something remain of me afterward? If that is true, it might just be the something that would be able to stop him._


End file.
